there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
