I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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