oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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