we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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