how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
