I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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