i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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