you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
