I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
