I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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