I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
