You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
