Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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