I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have feelings that need drinking.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
