It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
