i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
