I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
