So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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