Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize