is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I know her cup size but not her name....
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