we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
