My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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