I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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