I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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