I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
