I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize