Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
