my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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