Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
