Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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