I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
