She is in my trunk
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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