Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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