He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
