mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
