Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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