It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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