I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
