how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
