just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
