My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
