I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
