oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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