Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
