Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
