she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
