I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
