Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
