I just made out with a guy for $7.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How naked do you want me to be?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
