I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
