i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
