hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
