Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
