Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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