Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
