come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
