thus making me awesome and them whores
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
