You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
