I'll bet she douches with gravy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
