Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
