It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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